Abundant Living....

I have been thinking a lot during this "frugal" living era about living abundantly....or is it abundant living?
So often I consider how God is so big and extravagant. His grace and mercy are overwhelmingly more than I deserve but he extends more and more to me. I was meditating on Ephesians 3:20 recently: "God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."
Sometimes I catch myself not living like I believe that this is true. I KNOW God can do anything and he HAS done more than I could have imagined, but there are times when I don't consider what his doing deeply and gently within me. I just boldly step forward without waiting for him to do "anything" rather wanting him to let ME do my thing.

Also, at this weekend retreat one speaker shared about God being the God of enough. While he can do anything, he does provide enough.... The speaker retold the story found in 1 Kings 17 and how God provided enough flour and oil to the woman. She talked about how that woman must have retold the story of the miracle flour and oil every time she saw bread :).

All of this has me thinking of my response to God. Perhaps being "God-ready" means living out to the world the amazing truth of God's enough-ness in my life and truly allowing God to DO anything and getting out my way out of his way.

Lessons from the Vines

Our new-to-us house has some great treasures that we are still discovering. For example, we have had to rip out some walls and the ceiling in the master bed room to fix some damage from a roof leak....we were hoping that a hundred years ago someone might have hidden a few gold bricks or some rare documents from the Civil War or something. We did find something 100 year old insulation!

Don't get me wrong, we LOVE our house. God has blessed us beyond measure. He chose this home for us for this time, no doubt about it. 

Since spring has finally arrived we have been able to find out what kind of botanical treasures are growing in the yard. As the green nubbins have emerged from the bony branches and the verdant tubers pushed through the grass we've waited to see what they'll be when they bloom. What have we discovered so far? rhubarb (one of my favorites), peonies, tulips and my number one favorite flower....lilacs!! Our yard is bursting forth with all kinds of color and fragrances, mostly.

I say mostly because there is this area of our yard that I am pretty sure that Briar Rabbit and his kin dwell. As the weather has warmed up I have started to work on cleaning up, I've dreaded that viney mess. Yesterday I couldn't put it off any longer. Something had to be done. It would seem that this jumble of vines are grape vines....old ones. 

Now I have studied and been taught about the passages in Scriptures about the vines. John 15 comes to mind most clearly. I have always thought about that passage from the perspective of the branches that are being pruned. I have prayed that God would prune away those branches that keep from being abundantly fruitful. I learned somethings from the vines yesterday. 

First, vines are stubborn. They go where they want to go without care or concern that where they are headed are ugly and dangerous. They have these tiny little tendrils that wrap themselves around anything: dead branches, weeds, other plants. There were so tightly holding on to the junk that had to go I had to really cut them up to get them freed. I firmly but gently pushed the vines into the position they needed to be in so that they would support each other rather than weigh each other down. 

I learned that living and fruitful vines come from what looks like dead vines. It made me think of those that are struggling with the past. People who are breaking the patterns of sin that have enslaved generations before them. People who are learning to trust in a God who has been invisible to them and there families for ages. The hope that while we may experience the pain of a sinful legacy, we have a God who delights in a personal relationship and seeks to help us grow even in the face of the impossible. 

There were tons of observations that I made about the vines. Vines and sheep are pretty similar. But the biggest lesson I learned from the vines...the perspective I had never considered much before? The gardner. Pruning those vines was not easy. The Gardner experiences pain in the process. I had always pictured God lovingly snipping out the parts of my life that needed to be removed so that I might be fruitful. Imagine the gardeners at Disney that sculpt foliage into characters and whimsy. But after my own experience that picture has changed. He is still the loving gardner but His body is bruised and cut in the process of making me fruitful. He is in the jumble with me. I had to stand inside the vines to really know what had to go and what had to stay. He lovingly, with great passion and sacrifice prunes my character to become fruitful. 

I know this was a long post today. I have a great deal to think about this....I'm sure there is more to consider. What have you learned from the vines? What is God cutting or cultivating in your character? 

hey, dad.

I have been working through the One Year Bible again but this year I decided to use The Message. I know that some people take issue with it but I have enjoyed it. Anyway, today I have been meditating on Psalm 86.

It would seem that David keeps asking God to listen to him. That makes me giggle a little. I know that there are times in my life when I feel like my prayers don't get past the ceiling but this psalm has a different feel to me. Kind of like that kid who says....'hey, dad. hey, dad. hey, dad. look at this. hey, dad. hey, dad. look. look. hey dad.' So David, here, is listing all the reasons God is able to act upon his request. Sounds like a teenager trying to get to do something.  I love how the Bible is so relevant even though it was written so long ago....but that is another story for another day.

The verse that really jumped out at me was:

^11-17 Train me, God, to walk straight; 

      then I'll follow your true path.
   Put me together, one heart and mind;
      then, undivided, I'll worship in joyful fear.
   From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord;
      I've never kept secret what you're up to.
   You've always been great toward me—what love! 

This is my prayer, I do want to be undivided. I invite this process but I have a feeling that this training isn't going to be all sunshine and gumdrops. Will you join me? What do you think? What is undivided mean to you? 

     I also, want to make known what God has done for me. I never want to keep secret what God has done.

Another day another dollar....

     So, as most of you who have read my story to this point may know, I don't have a job right now. This has been an interesting journey. I am, without a doubt, confident that God has provided every thing and every moment of my life. I have had a string of joys and struggles over this last year that have worked up to this point in my life.

     The joys....they seem countless but I do see that it is important to articulate them. God deserves my thanks and others can be blessed and encouraged by my story. I have been inspired, if you will, by a college classmate of mine who is much more faithful about blogging than I have been (check out her great work: marlataviano.com) ....anywho, her entry for this week included a thankfulness feast! I have determined that I want to serve up my own helping of thankfulness. Thank you God...

Thank you  for only you can do all that has been done for us!

Thank you  for speaking into the lives of our friends and families so that they could speak truth to us. 

Thank you for orchestrating the selling and buying of our shelter...and dwelling within them to make them a home. You could have taken us through the difficult path that so many of our friends have had to sell their homes and we pray that we would have been faithful even in that test.  I pray right now for those who are walking through the hard part of real estate today. Give them peace that passes all understanding. Be present with them that they will be drawn to you and be comforted. 

Thank you for your faithfulness to me. I prayed to be available and now, I am. Teach me to use this gift to the fullest. I seek to be faithful. Make my mind clear to know what opportunities are the ones I need to embrace and those that are not meant for me.

Thank you for making my husband exactly the way that he is. 

Thank you for the time and togetherness that we have renewed by being in this new place in life.

Thank you for being enough. You have given us exactly what we need. Enough. Yet, your enough-ness is immeasurably more than I can hope or imagine. 

Thank you for all the people you have brought into my life. 

Thank you for real friends who want to be more like you and want me to be the best me that you've created. 

Seeking the Savior

I have been so blessed to spend some sweet time with the Lord lately. I have been pondering the Christmas season in the light of what God has been teaching me. The message that God keeps teaching my heart is to not only spend time with him, but to dwell in Him. Isn't that the Christmas story? Jesus was so much more than an example to us but if we look to Him we see a pattern for us to live our lives by. God sent His son to dwell here on earth so that we could dwell with him in heaven. I don't want to stop at seeking a baby in a manger. Jesus didn't stay a baby.

The End is Near....

So, yeah...I quit my job. No back up. No plan. No income. God had to be in charge. The only thing we knew to do was to pray. We prayed for clarity. We prayed for peace. We prayed for provision.

The school year plugged along. There were victories and there were those moments that felt like a kick in the gut. Then sometime in December, I think, I was looking for postings for "Cain" in the mid-west. (I do that when I'm homesick....) I usually pull up websites for schools I know and see if there is any postings. I came across one and sent to him. He sent out his stuff and we waited. We waited and waited. Nothing. I had pretty much decided that I was going to have to find a new job.

Finally in February, Cain got a call inviting him up north. It happened so quickly. God answered each of our prayers so specifically we felt scared, reassured, and humored. Cain was offered the job before our plane landed at home. We were moving less than 100 miles from my family and many of my close friends. The miracles were just beginning. We have sold our home here...in 5 days! We bought a home across the street from Cain's new job (they don't have public transportation and he doesn't drive). The home is a dream house for us. I can go back to school tuition free. His provision is evident.

I am both excited and terrified of seeing the further consequences for this burning heart. I am pressing in to hear Him. What is to come?

The Consequences of a Burning Heart

It is hard for me to pinpoint the moment it all started. In fact this has been going on for a while and I'm not sure where to begin...so I'll just start somewhere I guess. I was stuck. I looked around and saw my life was just stuck. There was this quiet lull in which I felt like life was passing me by as though I was on freeze frame and everyone else was on fast forward. I knew that God was real and in my life. I knew that God had placed a call and passion in my life and I knew that I was in a holding pattern...waiting...watching...and then it happened. I did something I had never planned to do. I went back to teaching 5th grade. Not just any class, but THAT class. The class that has caused great teachers to be pressed to the breaking point. The class that everyone kind of holds their breath as they walk past and glances over to make sure that they all make it out of the no wake zone.
Truth be told, I didn't want to. I was compelled to. I knew without a doubt that God had made it clear that this was His task for me. The waiting was over. The school year was beginning and the purpose for this change was evident. A child in the class passed away and the funeral was held the same day as meet the teacher. There was no question in my mind that God had called J and I to be there to lead this class at this time. It hasn't been an easy year. In many ways they are still THAT class. There are moments that I shake my head in shame that I have had to resort to the kind of teaching that I despise.
As clearly as God had called me to change grade levels, God had pressed upon my heart a sense of urgency. 'Get your house in order. Your time here is done.' I heard this in my heart in August/September. I wrestled with it for weeks and finally after a low blow I knew that the pressure of knowing God's will and my resistance to it was too much. I walked down to my Principal and told her that I wasn't going to be back next year. I don't think she believed me. There were so many concrete reasons and excuses for me to leave. I am sure I could make quite a list of reasons to go but they don't really matter. I had such a sense of relief at saying out loud that I wasn't going to be teaching there next year. Comfort. Joy. God would provide.
What was His plan? What had this burning heart gotten me besides a clear end to my paychecks??